Humor and Creativity

CHRISTMAS TRADITION

richard — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:50:10 GMT

Someone asked why you see Angles on the tops of a lot of Christmas trees. It was a long long time ago at the Norh Pole. Things were not going well. The reindeer has distress in the lower tract from moldy hay and were fouling the foot path. Mrs Clause had PMS. Santa had a tooth ache. and to make matters worse the elves were about to go on strike.---------Then the door bell rang and Santa aske one of the elves to answer the door. The elf said get it your self fat man. So Santa opened the ...

QUIZ

richard — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:48:12 GMT

What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal termometer?

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taste!

WHAT

richard — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:08:25 GMT

What is invisible and smells like worms????

Bird farts!!!!

THE MULE

richard — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:46:24 GMT

Billybob and Bubba saw an add for a mule, the price was $100. They sent the money and a couple of days later they went to pick up their new mule. When they got there, the guy said he was sorry put the mule died. They said well give us our money back. The guy said he couldnt because he spent it. Billybob and Bubba said well deliver the dead mule to us anyway. The guy said why would you want a dead mule. They said they would raffle it off. The guy said no one is going to buy a ticket for ...

New scam-be careful out there guys!!

rydabyk — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:48:50 GMT

Clever Scam - taking advantage of older men Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace down here in Florida this winter. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim ...

New Invention from Apple

rydabyk — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:19:22 GMT

NEW INVENTION FROM APPLE - Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Two Statues

rydabyk — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:10:50 GMT

Quickie in the Bushes There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.' ...

Daddy, "How was I born"?

rydabyk — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:23:47 GMT

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, ...

How to make a woman happy

rydabyk — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:32:23 GMT

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10.. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. ...

The Adult Learning Center

rydabyk — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 13:05:06 GMT

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER PRESENTS THE FALL SEMESTER CLASSES FOR WOMEN REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Thursday October 22 , 2009 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM. Class 1 Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.. Class 2 Which Takes More ...

More of "AND THAT"S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED"

rydabyk — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:44:19 GMT

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and ...

Who wants to be a Millionaire?

rydabyk — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:20:49 GMT

A contestant Sally, on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000.. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was: 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it: A) the condor B) the ...

Thought for the Day...

BluesCat — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:38:30 GMT

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman "Where's the 'Self-Help' section?"

She said "If I told you, it would defeat the purpose."

lookin good

richard — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 14:01:21 GMT

This young guy was trying to build up his body to get the girls to notice him. He told a friend he was cycling and swimming every day. His friend told him that when he was swimming he should put a big potato in his swim suit. He said it would make the girls flock around. A couple of days later they met up, and the young guy told his friend that the girls just laughed at him. The friend couldnt believe him and said lets go swimming. At the pool, the friend took one look at the young guy ...

Dog food diet

rydabyk — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 12:43:05 GMT

A TRIP TO COSTCO Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before ...

German Business Encourages Bicycling

BluesCat — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 22:47:50 GMT

Link: Discount for visiting this business on a bicycle

Leave it to those Germans to figure out a way to pack them in!

Nightturkey — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 07:24:20 GMT

Can't help but chuckle at some of the ads that appear at the top of the forum page. One of them has the opening line: Do you want the body of a Greek god? Well duhh, I already have that - my body clearly resembles Bacchus...

airline safety lecture

richard — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:49:09 GMT

Before take off the passengers always get the safety lecture. Even if you are flying from Kansas City to Denver, the stewardesses tell you that your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. I have news for her. If they could even find water between those two cities and a crash was about to happen-----------my seat cushion would be a toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Bus Ride

rydabyk — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 13:57:28 GMT

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level. The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, ...

hair remover

richard — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 15:00:07 GMT

A lady noticed that her dog seemed to be scratching its ears a lot. She took him to the vet to see what was the matter. The vet worked on the pooch and came out and told the lady that her dog had ear mites. He also said that this breed had a lot of hair in its ears and was prone to get ear mites. He said he clipped the hair out of the ears and put in medicine to kill the mites. The lady asked if there was anything she could do to prevent the problem. The vet suggested she use a hair remover ...

broom handle

richard — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 00:16:05 GMT

In one city there seemed to be a big tiff between cyclist and pedestrians. It turned into a war of words in the local newspaper. Some one wrote in that the walkers should carry a short piece of broomstick. Then when a cyclist passed them, they cold jam the broomstick in the spokes causing the cyclist to wreck. A cyclist wrote back in suggesting that the walker make sure that the broom stick was really smooth and free of splinters. That was because when the cyclist got up he was going to ...

short paper

richard — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 16:54:16 GMT

The college class was told to write a very short story that contained 3 things. The story had to have religion sex and mystery.

Only one student got an A+. Her story. Good lord im pregnant I wonder who the father is?

diapers

richard — Fri, 29 May 2009 13:53:53 GMT

While the wife went shopping the father was left to baby sit. When the wife got back she checked on the baby and went nuts. She called in her husband and really chewed him out for not changing the babies diaper. The husband said he didnt understand because it said right on the diaper box up to 15 pounds!!!!!

OMG, WTF

Admin — Wed, 20 May 2009 19:52:48 GMT

The Haircut

rydabyk — Fri, 29 May 2009 01:18:17 GMT

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money ...

political solution

richard — Fri, 29 May 2009 00:38:33 GMT

There seems to be a lot of discussion on water boarding. All by myself I have come up with a better solution. When we capture a terrorist mastermind, we let him ride a bike. The bike will be a diamond frame bike with the smallest hardest racing saddle available. (small and hard is more efficient you know) Then we have him ride 100 miles on a cobblestone road. I figure at about mile 21 he will spill his guts!!!!!!!!! And who can complain about a bike ride?????

IT GOES WHERE?!?!

Admin — Wed, 20 May 2009 19:54:42 GMT

Someone texted this one to my wife...

Nightturkey — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:47:07 GMT

Two hillbillies were sitting at a bar and suddenly they noticed a woman at the other end of the bar beginning to choke. One hillbilly says to the other, "I know what to do", and he walks over to the woman. "Ma'am, are yew chokin'?" "gaak, gaak..." "Yew cain't breathe, kin ya?" (shakes her head) "gaak, gaak..." Suddenly the hillbilly pulls down her jeans, pulls down her panties and licks her right butt cheek. This shocks the woman ...

Potential bike route in Florida

Roffle — Sat, 16 May 2009 01:04:29 GMT

Sunday Morning Sex

rydabyk — Sat, 09 May 2009 21:03:39 GMT

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling. Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking ...

Catholic Humor

rydabyk — Sun, 03 May 2009 02:08:24 GMT

One morning a man comes into church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the episode and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. Without batting an eye, the priest says, 'Son, you've just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man? 'Flat on his ass, Father, over by the holy water.'

Married for 50 years

rydabyk — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:36:11 GMT

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the Wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this Breakfast table together.' 'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' 'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.' Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. ...

The remote

rydabyk — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 14:30:36 GMT

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed ...

Dad at the mall

rydabyk — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:37:29 GMT

Dad at the Mall I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in ...

Yet another cowboy joke.

garrybuck — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 01:06:52 GMT

Why aren't cowboys circumcised?

So they'll have somewhere to put their snoos while they're brushing their teeth.

Ear infection

rydabyk — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:29:29 GMT

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist said, "Yes, sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" He replied, "There's something wrong with my dick." The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong, and I told you." The receptionist replied, "Now you've caused ...

The Stud!

rydabyk — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 12:32:47 GMT

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains ." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over ...

Stock Market report

rydabyk — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 16:09:12 GMT

Stock Market Report..... Today's Stock Market Report: Helium was up. Feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit a rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. The market for raisins dried ...

Friday Lunch Time Construction Site Funnies

BluesCat — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:15:35 GMT

These are courtesy of the traffic control designer at a major highway project. (These are the ones suitable for ALL audiences.) Question: How come Hannibal Lecter doesn't eat vegetables? Answer: It's too hard separating them from their wheelchairs. Question: What's better than spending a weekend at a beachfront hotel in Mazatlan, Mexico, with three 19-year-old college coeds? Answer: Nothing. Question: Naw, that's not right: What's better than ...

Three Contractors

rydabyk — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:18:34 GMT

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota . All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee ...

Why us seniors shouldn't have kids

rydabyk — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 12:50:19 GMT

With all the new technology regarding fertility, recently a 65-year-old Friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the Hospital and went home, I went to visit. 'May I see the new baby?' I asked 'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' 'No, not yet,' She said. After another few minutes had elapsed, ...

Okay, this is the trike I want

BluesCat — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 02:37:43 GMT

The Aerotrike Gotta be a custom job. <--- Cheering Crowds BluesCat .

Another Cowboy Joke

R42Pilot — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 16:23:27 GMT

Baptist Cowboy A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Coors. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona ...

Cowboy Whisperer

R42Pilot — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 03:05:11 GMT

Cowboy: "That your dog?" Indian: "Yep." Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?" Indian: "Dog no talk." Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Indian: (Look of shock!) Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian...) Dog: "Yep." Cowboy: "How's he treating you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, ...

That's when the fight started

Nightturkey — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 23:20:23 GMT

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And that's when the fight started.... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And that's when the fight started.... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ When ...

Wish I could do that..

R42Pilot — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 22:17:57 GMT

Two guys were riding their recumbents down the street. They rolled up to a stop light and as they were waiting, one guy pointed out to the other a dog sitting on the corner. He had one leg hiked up in the air and was licking his balls, seemingly not caring about anything else in the world. "I sure wish I could do that", said the first guy. After a moment of silence, the other fellow responded, "Go ahead, but I'd pet him awhile first to make friends!"

Mark

It finally Happened

Admin — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 19:21:14 GMT

Exercise

Admin — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 23:17:33 GMT

Horror of the Kitchen

Admin — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 22:53:53 GMT